“*WHIRLS SNAPE OUT OF THE WAY*
*SHOVES MINERVA INTO A WALL*
PUT YOUR NAME
*KNOCKS OVER A TABLE AGGRESSIVELY*
IN THE GOBLET
*GRABS HARRY AND SLAMS HIM INTO THE WALL*
OF FIRE!?!?!?1111?!?!111321I3591130583FERGEKLJRKGJ GRLGJWRLKGVJLKJ G” Dumbledore asked calmly.
we’re never gonna get over this are we
“I’ve always enjoyed stories about the Devil. It sounds really… I’m not a Satanist! But there’s a reason Paradise Lost was more successful than Paradise Regained. The Devil’s a much more charismatic figure than Jesus." - Daniel Radcliffe, Total Film Magazine
Friends, have you ever asked yourselves: what would happen if I, a humble farmer, grew a pumpkin inside a metal nightmare machine shaped like a man’s head?
Fear not: central Ohio has your answer.
A FARMER squints into the distance, shading his eyes from the harsh Ohio sun. ”Life holds no meaning for me,” the farmer says to the tall, tall grass.
HIS WIFE approaches, cool evening wind rippling her yellow sundress. “Why Bob, what’s paining you?” She places her delicate, weather-worn hand on his burly, bowing shoulder. “You just ain’t been the same since winnin’ the Most Aggressively Pumpkiny Pumpkin prize at the annual Pumpkin Worship Extravaganza. I feel like you ain’t even here sometimes.”
"Enough, Martha," THE FARMER sighs. "Where can I go from here? Ain’t the only way from the top down? ‘S the law o’gravity. How can we ever hope to reach such heights again?"
MARTHA thinks for a moment, gently running her thumb along the seam of his plaid shirt. “I wish I could help Bob, I swear I do.” She turns her cornflower-blue gaze to the distance, tears glistening, unshed. “I just haven’t your genius. My horrifying visions just can’t be turned into pumpkins, and they’re all I got, besides you.”
THE FARMER’s squint deepens. “Say Martha,” he says, turning to her, taking her small hands in his large, calloused grip. “What about the unholy terror that haunts your dreams, the sightless, staring, malformed orange baby head that floats on a sea of blood?”
"Oh Bob," Martha says, tears beginning to brim over, "will I ever be free? I know people talk-"
"No, Martha," he says, "I’ll grow your terror for you. I’ll grow it all year. I’ll- I’ll make a mold! You can sculpt it, remember how you used to-"
"Oh Bob, what then? I don’t think I-"
"And then we show them, Martha." A strange light seems to glow from within THE FARMER’s deep-set eyes. "We show them ALL."
Q: I really appreciate the fact that you have non-American actors speaking their native languages, instead of making it seem like everyone in the world speaks English like it usually is in most Hollywood movies. Why is Hollywood so allergic to subtitles? — Interview in Today Online with Guillermo del Toro, 11/07/2013
BAAAHHHH WHY IS HE SO GREAT
#god you try to tell me some more that guillermo del toro#did not mean every single choice in the movie#the casting of a japanese actress to play a japanese character#the casting of a black english man with a working class accent to play the authority figure#YOU TRY TO TELL ME AGAIN#THAT GUILLERMO DEL TORO#DOES NOT MEAN EVERY SINGLE CHOICE (via quigonejinn)